- Lindsey
Let me first say a big *muah* and thank you to Lindsey for asking me to be a guest blogger. I am new to this blog world so this is a huge honor for me. I adore Lindsey on so many levels so I am beyond happy that she asked me to come into her space!
Becoming a mama has been more than I have ever expected on so many levels. The pure and utter joy and happiness on a daily basis is indescribable. That little face of his trying to take it all in. The world is so new to them. So pure and so kind. Becoming a mom is one of the best things I have ever done. The trust my Baby D has for me is beyond what I would ever have for someone. The smiles, laughs, babbling and now the almost crawling is amazing. Every single milestone is better than the next. I am working on convincing the hubs we need another! Baby fever is in the air and I only have an 8 month old. I am nuts, I know.
Along with all the fantastic moments are the not so fantastic (hello sleepless nights and major poop). I have read so many posts lately about the constant barrage of advice, on and off Twitter, to moms. I am all for advice, unsolicited or not, to an extent. I have never done this mom thing before. Now whether I choose to take your advice and run with it, OR thank you politely and think in my head you are effing crazy is my business, not yours. You don't live in my house. You don't get up in the middle of the night with my baby when he is teething or not feeling well. <----- (This blows) You don't make all of his food for him and worry over allergies to things. You don't take him to the doctor for his shots and leave in tears because you are afraid he will remember that visit and hold it against you. (I can be a bit neurotic. I am working on this!) So while the advice is often appreciated, it sometimes is so bizarre, off the wall, straight up crazy and in those cases I can only think of what my mom always said, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all."
Exhibit A: While taking my then 4 month old to the post office in April while it was 70 degrees and sunny in Los Angeles, I was told by an older woman that it was too cold for a baby to be outside. I smiled as if to say "Um ok! Thanks for that!" and went on my way. She followed me and continued with the whack advice saying I "really should have a jacket on the baby! He could get sick!" Word to your mother, you can't get sick from being cold. You get sick from germs which in this case could have very well happened considering she was all up in my baby's grill. So take your face outta my kid's and kindly mind your own business. It is 70 freakin degrees outside. It is not cold. It might be COOL, but it is NOT COLD. YOU, dear, have 3 layers of clothing on and are old. Maybe it is cold for you but not for us! Now get!
"Let me help you out!" she says. "Let me help you with latching on."
Um...WHAT???? Help me out??? This is my boob thank you very much! I don't need your help and I don't need you grabbing it. Yes people, she wanted to help my Baby D latch on.
"Let me help him latch on properly because that is why he is upset. He isn't latching on the right way. I watched you struggle and want to help. This baby needs his mothers milk!" she continued.
"Um, thank you, I guess, but I'm good," I said in a quivering voice.
If I could have dropped kicked her right then and there I would have. I was mortified. I grabbed my bag, my bottle fed baby and bolted. I was so embarrassed. Everyone in that room witnessed the scene and I was in tears. I honestly felt like the most inadequate mother on the planet. I was so horrible at this mom thing that a stranger, not a lactation specialist, not my mom, not my best friend, felt the need to help me breastfeed my baby. I haven't been back to that store since. I am scarred for life and afraid I will see her again and it might get ugly!
I ran across an article after these 2 incidents and it hit home with me. CNN ran an article on the "Mom Mafia". That was it! That is who I ran into at the post office and in the bathroom at the department store. The "Mom freakin Mafia!" They were after me and out to get me. Instead of inviting me over for homemade marinara, cannolis, and Chianti, they took a hit out on me. They wanted to feed me to the fishes. They were Tony Soprano and Paulie!
Why is it that some moms can't support one another? Who made these "Mom Mafia" types the end all be all of mom advice? I just don't get the fact that we all can't be happy that we are on the amazing journey that only women (well except for that one guy who was on Oprah) get to experience. Instead of cutting each other down and making one another feel inadequate, why not share stories and HELPFUL advice. Not grab at someone's boob in a department store bathroom.
This is the hardest job on the planet and one I would never give up. I love every single second of it, good and bad. But I don't need others making me feel like I am not good at it, therefore doubting everything I do. I have an amazing mom and I try to be like her every single day. That is enough pressure I put on myself! I don't need it from strangers. Yes, I know I am in control of my own feelings and whether or not I let it get to me. I am trying really hard to get to a place where I can just take it for what it's worth and move on.
I'm sure you have been in my shoes one time or another. Hopefully not the boob part! Have you been approached by the "Mom Mafia?" Have they tried to put a hit out on you, too? How did you deal with it?
- Alana Life On The Mom List
