Kindly get your hand off my boob, please.

The following Guest Post (Yay! Yay! Yay!) from Alana broke my heart. I've grown to know and love this girl recently and if anyone came NEAR her to bother her or offend her or grab her boob I would be first in line to go all berserker on them and they better watch out! But then it also had me laughing while I cringed (which kinda hurt my face) and then nodding and mumbling, "yeah, yeah, yup!" to myself and then laughing again. I love Alana (you may know her as @Mamainlalaland on Twitter and if you don't already, go follow this mama, stat!) she is the yang to my yang, we only disagree about 2 things: olives and cats, and I am so excited to share her awesomeness with you now!
- Lindsey

Let me first say a big *muah* and thank you to Lindsey for asking me to be a guest blogger. I am new to this blog world so this is a huge honor for me. I adore Lindsey on so many levels so I am beyond happy that she asked me to come into her space!

Becoming a mama has been more than I have ever expected on so many levels. The pure and utter joy and happiness on a daily basis is indescribable. That little face of his trying to take it all in. The world is so new to them. So pure and so kind. Becoming a mom is one of the best things I have ever done. The trust my Baby D has for me is beyond what I would ever have for someone. The smiles, laughs, babbling and now the almost crawling is amazing. Every single milestone is better than the next. I am working on convincing the hubs we need another! Baby fever is in the air and I only have an 8 month old. I am nuts, I know.

Along with all the fantastic moments are the not so fantastic (hello sleepless nights and major poop). I have read so many posts lately about the constant barrage of advice, on and off Twitter, to moms. I am all for advice, unsolicited or not, to an extent. I have never done this mom thing before. Now whether I choose to take your advice and run with it, OR thank you politely and think in my head you are effing crazy is my business, not yours. You don't live in my house. You don't get up in the middle of the night with my baby when he is teething or not feeling well. <----- (This blows) You don't make all of his food for him and worry over allergies to things. You don't take him to the doctor for his shots and leave in tears because you are afraid he will remember that visit and hold it against you. (I can be a bit neurotic. I am working on this!) So while the advice is often appreciated, it sometimes is so bizarre, off the wall, straight up crazy and in those cases I can only think of what my mom always said, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all."

Exhibit A: While taking my then 4 month old to the post office in April while it was 70 degrees and sunny in Los Angeles, I was told by an older woman that it was too cold for a baby to be outside. I smiled as if to say "Um ok! Thanks for that!" and went on my way. She followed me and continued with the whack advice saying I "really should have a jacket on the baby! He could get sick!" Word to your mother, you can't get sick from being cold. You get sick from germs which in this case could have very well happened considering she was all up in my baby's grill. So take your face outta my kid's and kindly mind your own business. It is 70 freakin degrees outside. It is not cold. It might be COOL, but it is NOT COLD. YOU, dear, have 3 layers of clothing on and are old. Maybe it is cold for you but not for us! Now get!

Exhibit B: I had a VERY hard time nursing my baby. This brought so much depression and tears to my life. It was so, so tough and those that can breastfeed and produce enough milk are my heroes. Seriously! I hope with the second baby I can do it and not have so many issues. Latching on was a huge problem and I got all the help I could. I had more lactation specialists handling my boobs in the first 2 weeks than I care to count. I did everything I could to help us both out. Eventually we had to supplement with formula because I wasn't producing enough milk and I have a baby that can EAT. He is big and can eat! We are saving pennies now for the teen years! I am sure he will be eating us out of house and home. (I am raising a future NBA star here) While at a certain clothing department store that happens to rhythm with Bordstom, I was in the mom's nursing area feeding my baby. Now I was already hesitant to go in there because I knew I was going to eventually feed him a bottle that I had with me. It had kind of become the trend with us. I was afraid of the looks I was going to get. I strategically placed myself away from others so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if I had to do so. Sure enough he fussed over eating. He wasn't happy, he was crying, I was freaking, it got really hot in the room, and I was sweating. It was all too much! I pulled out the bottle. I wanted him to eat and stop crying and being unhappy so I could get the hell outta there. I was feeling trapped. The other moms were looking at me with sympathy all except for one. That one that has to ruin it for all the others. The one that feels as though she knows more than you about YOU and YOUR baby and she is going to make sure you know this. The one that probably took every single class out there before she had her baby so she could be prepared and dole our advice when she felt so inclined. (I took zero classes by the way!) Well here comes that mom making a beeline towards me. I smiled, she smiled, she gave me that look, and I knew what was coming.

"Let me help you out!" she says. "Let me help you with latching on."

Um...WHAT???? Help me out??? This is my boob thank you very much! I don't need your help and I don't need you grabbing it. Yes people, she wanted to help my Baby D latch on.

"Let me help him latch on properly because that is why he is upset. He isn't latching on the right way. I watched you struggle and want to help. This baby needs his mothers milk!" she continued.

"Um, thank you, I guess, but I'm good," I said in a quivering voice.

If I could have dropped kicked her right then and there I would have. I was mortified. I grabbed my bag, my bottle fed baby and bolted. I was so embarrassed. Everyone in that room witnessed the scene and I was in tears. I honestly felt like the most inadequate mother on the planet. I was so horrible at this mom thing that a stranger, not a lactation specialist, not my mom, not my best friend, felt the need to help me breastfeed my baby. I haven't been back to that store since. I am scarred for life and afraid I will see her again and it might get ugly!

I ran across an article after these 2 incidents and it hit home with me. CNN ran an article on the "Mom Mafia". That was it! That is who I ran into at the post office and in the bathroom at the department store. The "Mom freakin Mafia!" They were after me and out to get me. Instead of inviting me over for homemade marinara, cannolis, and Chianti, they took a hit out on me. They wanted to feed me to the fishes. They were Tony Soprano and Paulie!

Why is it that some moms can't support one another? Who made these "Mom Mafia" types the end all be all of mom advice? I just don't get the fact that we all can't be happy that we are on the amazing journey that only women (well except for that one guy who was on Oprah) get to experience. Instead of cutting each other down and making one another feel inadequate, why not share stories and HELPFUL advice. Not grab at someone's boob in a department store bathroom.

This is the hardest job on the planet and one I would never give up. I love every single second of it, good and bad. But I don't need others making me feel like I am not good at it, therefore doubting everything I do. I have an amazing mom and I try to be like her every single day. That is enough pressure I put on myself! I don't need it from strangers. Yes, I know I am in control of my own feelings and whether or not I let it get to me. I am trying really hard to get to a place where I can just take it for what it's worth and move on.

I'm sure you have been in my shoes one time or another. Hopefully not the boob part! Have you been approached by the "Mom Mafia?" Have they tried to put a hit out on you, too? How did you deal with it?

- Alana  Life On The Mom List

"More Crackers Please" and "Poop" - Our Experience With Baby Sign and a Guest Article From Primrose Schools

When Otto was 7 months old I got together with some local mamas & their babies for a private baby sign workshop (I think once a week for eight weeks) through Sign With Baby Tucson a wonderful tutoring program led by Libby Quinn, who teaches ASL. 

Anyways, our experience with baby sign has been textbook perfection. Even at 7 months Otto quickly learned to recognize some of the signs we used daily, like "more" "milk" and "all done" and by 9 months he was signing those and a few others back to us! We always coupled the signs with the spoken words. I really felt, almost right away, that the baby signs were allowing us to communicate and connect with Otto much earlier and with more clarity than we would have otherwise.

Meals, Snacks, Naps and Poop...

Everyone knows babies do 3 things more than anything else - eat, sleep, and poop. Honestly, the baby sign was helpful to us in all three areas. EAT - He's been able to tell us what he does/doesn't want to eat (one day when he was 13 months or so he fell to the floor bawling when he signed "more crackers please" and I misunderstood and said, "you want a cookie?" because he'd been so used to us understanding exactly what he was "saying". NAPS - Since he was 10 months old Ot's been telling us when he needs a nap. He puts his hand to the side of his head (the sign for "sleep") to let us know he needs a little peaceful nap time. I can only guess that without the "nap" sign Otto would probably have gotten overtired instead and understandably frustrated without the ability to tell us, "hey dudes, I need a nap, like NOW!" POOP - I've been told the poop sign is considered crass in the deaf community, but for our purposes it's been great. Otto lets us know when he's going to poop, and sometimes you'll catch him in the act, making the sign while he's doing it! Super-funny yes, but also cool because he'll tell us about his dirty diaper right away and I'm thinking it'll be a nice leg-up as we start toilet learning.

So in a nutshell - I'm all for baby sign - now at 20 months Otto has well over 100 spoken words and is already combining them into 2 and 3-word groups. Most often "no mama" which I can't tell you how much I LOVE (umm, no I don't). Obviously there was no control group in our home to prove that Otto wouldn't be just as verbal without the sign, but I know in my gut that the baby sign helped him to communicate and to learn the spoken words more easily & much earlier. And even now we continue to sign certain words and Otto will revert to the signs when he's frustrated or tired, which further shows me that they act as a helpful crutch in the communication department.

Ok, well I went ON and ON much longer than I'd intended! Now for the guest article from Emily and Kathleen with Primrose Schools. They approached me to see if I would be interested in sharing their article and I am MORE than happy to. Read on for a more academic look at the benefits of baby sign for lil ones...

GUEST ARTICLE - Early Childhood Education – Acquiring Sign Language
One of the keys to surviving in a tilted economic system in which opportunities to achieve a decent standard of living will be limited is versatility – and the ability to communicate articulately in a variety of ways with the widest possible audience. This includes bilingual ability as well as the ability to communicate in non-verbal ways for the benefit of the disabled – primarily the deaf.

At the same time, a growing shortage of qualified interpreters fluent in American Sign Language has led to more career opportunities – and if current trends continue, it's likely that skilled ASL interpreters will have little problem securing lucrative employment in a society where such a commodity is destined to be in short supply.

Signing Before They Can Speak
A great deal of research has clearly demonstrated that the early years – ages 2 to five – are the best time to educate children in different modes of communication and language. This goes beyond the spoken word (though it is an optimal time for children to learn a second language); many young children have an aptitude for signing as well.

This is not as odd as you may think. As you know, many indigenous peoples around the world, including American Indian nations, have used sign language for centuries to facilitate communication with other tribes with whom they do not share a language. Some paleontologists and anthropologists theorize that Neanderthals – who apparently lacked the vocal mechanism to produce many spoken words – depended a great deal upon hand gestures to communicate.

In fact, recent research suggests that sign language is innate. An article published in the Boulder Daily Camera in 2003 presented strong evidence that babies as young as six months old communicate with their hands:

"...by 6 to 7 months, babies can remember a sign. At eight months, children can begin to imitate gestures and sign single words. By 24 months, children can sign compound words and full sentences. They say sign language reduces frustration in young children by giving them a means to express themselves before they know how to talk." (Glarion, 2003)

The author also cites study funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development demonstrating that young children who are taught sign language at an early age actually develop better verbal skills as they get older. The ability to sign has also helped parents in communicating with autistic children; one parent reports that "using sign language allowed her to communicate with her [autistic] son and minimized his frustration...[he now] has an advanced vocabulary and excels in math, spelling and music" (Glarion, 2003).

The Best Time To Start
Not only does early childhood education in signing give pre-verbal youngsters a way to communicate, it can also strengthen the parent-child bond – in addition to giving children a solid foundation for learning a skill that will serve them well in the future. The evidence suggests that the best time to start learning ASL is before a child can even walk – and the implications for facilitating the parent-child relationship are amazing.

Co-written by Emily Patterson and Kathleen Thomas
Emily and Kathleen are Communications Coordinators for the network of Georgia child care facilities belonging to the AdvancED® accredited family of Primrose child care schools. Primrose Schools are located in 16 states throughout the U.S. and are dedicated to delivering progressive, early childhood, Balanced Learning® curriculum throughout their preschools.