nesting and panicking

the. nesting. has. kicked. in.

i just want to tidy everything and have everything be in its place! an uphill battle in our house and plus i'm a terrible housekeeper. but finding myself changing sheets, doing all kinds of laundry, keeping up on dishes, and organizing the clutter in a way that i usually reserve for post-fight venting. (does anyone else do this? usually the only time i want to clean is if i'm super super upset, like after an argument, then i go all freaky mr. clean on the place). anyways... Ot and i have been hanging around the house today and in between cleaning and as-close-as-i-get-to-meal-planning we've...

toes.
candy land.
hat removal = crazy hair.
coloring books.
cookies.
sewn hair braids a la mucho mucho bueno bueno (my version way lazier, but still love it).
and a bump shot just because.

and now Ot has agreed to an hour of "nap time" (i may have bribed him with those cookies) so while he plays quietly in his room i am taking this minute to jot everything down. it's been a great day, really. and the panicking is more proactive than anything we're really dealing with now. money-wise i simply do not know how we are going to make it through the summer. new baby. 6 weeks unpaid maternity leave. planning to move into a bigger space. rob's school doesn't pay in summertime and he'll be staying home so we don't have to start Et in daycare til fall. our savings can handle about half of this. the rest? the rest is making me sick to even think about. we'll tighten our belts. maybe we'll cash out rob's ira? maybe we'll take a loan? who am i kidding, no one would give us a loan! so... i just don't know what we're going to do. i guess we'll figure it out. i know others have it worse and figure it out and we will too. but it feels scary and i'm scared.

but instead of leaving you saying "geez, shut up you drag," i'll leave you with something Ot said that really made me smile today. psssst --> he's more fun than i am. when i asked him if he wanted to help me make the cookies:

"You can make them
all by yourself
and then when they're ready
i  can EAT THEM!
That sounds like a good idea."

 my love! and then not five minutes later he insisted on helping :)

xo,
lindsey