12.28.2010

My Dirty Little Secret (The World's Dirtiest Room) (A Project) (I Have Piles)

Please don't report me to "Hoarders" (or I will kill you) but...


Lord help me, this room is my project for this week while I'm off work and Ot's in pre-school. I have 3 days left. I have piles! (lol?) and... I've made barely a dent.

Dear Identity Thieves, Please Note - 2 huge boxes full of "steal my identity please" mail that I've been collecting for over a year. The intention: to shred this crap so no one pilfering through our recycles can open a CapitalOne card in our name. The reality: a do-it-yourself identity theft kit for anyone who breaks into our house and stumbles upon these boxes. Must shred asap.

We're supposed to be putting our house up for sale in a couple of weeks. I HAVE to take care of this something fierce. Not just tidy and dust, but clear shit OUTTA HERE. The thought makes me want to spend all day on Twitter and... (wait, that's what I did Monday, ugh, day 1 wasted).

OMGOMGOMG, I can do this. I can do this! Anyone wanna come over here and help? I'll pay you in Christmas cookies & whiskey shots.

-Lindsey

21 comments:

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points said...

Well, lemme tell ya, the whiskey shots are tempting.

But I have a closet here threatening to eat the cats and the children, so I really have to deal with that first.

Also, bonus points for hell flames. Nice touch!

TaderDoodles (Lisa Baldwin) said...

Somewhere on my blog... around 2007 and again in 08 and again here recently are pictures of rooms in my house that look like that.. and the efforts I made to recover them.

It's hard... well, it's not really hard it's just overwhelming to even start. Try setting a 15 minute timer and just start at the door. After 15 minutes take a breather. That's how I got through my mess.

Irredeemable Dad said...

OMG! Its horrible! Its disturbing! Nightmarish even! AWWWWWW!!!!!!

Sweet Harper said...

Wow, you are unacceptable. Just kidding...my office looks similar, eerily similar. I wish I was in your hood, and could help you get your house ready to sell. My dirty little secret, I "stage" houses in my mind the minute I walk in. So judge-y, I know. Lock yourself in that room with Ot's potty chair, and a huge pot of coffee, and don't come out til you're done!

Phyllis said...

I so feel you on the overwhelming task of cleaning a huge mess. My house is just beginning to look like I live there and don't actually own a dump.lol. I would so come help if I didn't have little people following me everywhere. Also I have a gift for your family let me know when I can drop it off. I hope you accomplish your goals!

HEADA said...

Hey! Did you come over and take a picture of my house??

PoetessWug said...

What's even more disturbing is that I saw your...SITUATION ROOM"...and thought "Oooooo! A Challenge!" ^_^ I LOVE watching rooms and 'jumble' go from 'BEFORE' to 'AFTER' with a little bit of my elbow grease!! I really do wish I lived closer...and that I had the hips to bend up and down....and that I wasn't allergic to...Oh well...sorry. I'm not going to be much help either! ^_^

Lindsey Muth said...

Ok, you guys have given me some hope (maybe). I'm locking myself in today, with the whiskey, coffee, a 15-min timer, and Ot's potty chair. Not coming out til the Identity Theft pile is gone at the very least!

ps. Wug if you're allergic to Christmas cookies I don't even know what to say! :(((((

mkmagel said...

Oh, thank god---you're normal! After that beautiful photography session you posted, I was beginning to worry that there was just a bit too much loveliness and perfection going on here with you. If you'd like to admit to some cellulite or maybe some weird secret obsession (or possibly a drinking problem after being shut up in the office with the whiskey all day), I might even love you more. :)

Micah @ LittlePinkDesigns.com said...

One bite at a time!!!

Micah @ LittlePinkDesigns.com

Mommafo said...

Ahhhhhhhhh hahahaha that was a really fun post. :) The do-it-yourself identity theft kit is awesome. Sigh. :) And I LOVE the hellfire.

Mommafo said...

Oh, and your squinty eye?? Priceless!!! (Reminds me of Popeye!)

Lindsey Muth said...

Michelle I totally have a drinking problem and I'm obsessed with donut flavored jam (help a brotha out ma'am). Love you, always loved you!

Micah, that is my mantra! Or like Bill Murray in What About Bob, "baby steps" :)

Chrystal, totally winking a little popeye squint in your direction right now!

mamaclare said...

I have to forego the whiskey, but if you feed me copious amounts of a variety of food.... Well, I suggested we 3 do this to each other some time ago. But now I'm thinking, if it doesn't get done, does that mean she can't leave? ;)

Lindsey Muth said...

LOL, Clare! I think it just means if it doesn't get done I'll be moving mucho garbage bags full of my piles cross country (or wherever) to my new house. ps Knit soon?

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