I Blew A Turkey Loaf

Haha, could not resist that title! Head out of the gutter, perves, this isn't Skinemax! Or whatever weird sex channel would show something like... you know what, forget it, I'm gonna stop. But for reals, tonight I blew the sh*t out of what should have been a beautiful turkey meatloaf. My first meatloaf, ever, actually.

May ye olde turkey loaffe RIP. She were a gnarly, nasty mess. She be buried in ye olde dumpsterre astern of me house.

What happened?

Well, you see, I have a problem. I can NOT leave a recipe alone to save my life. What did I do to this one? I decided I'd hide pumpkin puree, ground flax, an egg, and a cup of broccoli sprouts in the mix. Oh, and I didn't even look at misread the instructions that said to put a cup of tomato sauce on TOP of the loaf before cooking, so I stirred it INTO the mixture. What I ended up with was a hot mess that looked like the brains of some half sprout/half man lovechild (look for that sex tape on the same channel that carries the me-blowing-a-turkey-loaf footage). Well, just see for yourself...

Did you throw up a little bit?

Oh, and the original recipe called for a 45-50 minute cook time. I held onto hope for this bad boy til we hit the 2 hour mark and it was still gelatinous. That's when I pronounced it DOA. Said the last rites. Got myself a coffee cup full of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Luckily (an hour earlier when it was supposed to be done cooking) I'd also made mashed potatoes, gravy, and a freaking amazing lil green bean casserole as sides. So we did Boston Market side item meal-style dinner. Which my vegetarian husband was all set to have anyway. 

If you're curious, I was trying to make Jessica Seinfeld's Italian Meatloaf that already cleverly conceals celery and carrot puree. I've tried quite a few recipes from this book and they always turn out fabu, so I'm positive my unique psychosis of adding weird extras to recipes is the singular reason this was a huge recipe FAIL.

So you wanna come over for dinner? haha

-Lindsey