currently... mama jumbo

The deal: Use our themes or use your own - just let us know what is 'currently' going on with you. Be sure to stop by and say hello to the other bloggers linking up - especially to my amazing co-host Randalin of Kale & Beans.

This week's themes: 

calling, going, taking, breaking, wondering

This week my kids have been Calling me some pretty funny, pretty wonderful things. Loretta took to telling secrets and her favorite is to lean in close and whisper, "I think you're beautiful, mama." Even though she would tell this same secret to the mailman (she's a one secret kind of girl) it still gives me butterflies. On the flip side, last night Otto told me I have enormous legs. Yes, Sir Toothpick Legs of the Land of Droopy Underoos thinks I've got thick stems. I was like, "They're supposed to be that size."  

The only Going we have planned is/are a couple of trips to Portland in the next few months and then Arizona at Christmas. We are really staying. But lots of plans to start hiking and daytripping and seeing parts of Oregon that we've yet to explore as soon as the weather gets just a bit nicer.

Loretta has been Taking her pants, all her pants, and rolling/squishing them up over her knees. It's her new signature style. Rob was taking her to school the other morning and waited for her to get her pants all hiked up the way she likes them, then they opened the door and it was like 25 degrees outside and she goes, "Oh I guess I better roll these down! It's chilly!" So at least she's not a slave to fashion.

Last night my heart was Breaking. Otto was being kind of a pill and we were having a talk about whining and acting entitled and he just broke down in tears and said he'd had a really hard day. Never forget that your kids don't always tell you everything that's ruminating inside of them. We had no idea when we picked him up from school that earlier in the day he'd had a really rough experience. By bedtime he was totally emotional (partially my fault for giving him night time ice cream which always sounds fun but leads to breakdowns). Without getting into details, a few of the boys in his class have decided to start picking on other kids. Otto got called names and hit. It also sounds like the kids have been ganging up to get other kids in trouble and Otto got punished and had to miss recess because a teacher believed the boys. Oh how I remember the feeling of unfairness when things like this happen as a child. But I was never bullied. And so I'm not sure what to do. I'm a natural fighter and Otto is not. The Mama Jumbo inside of me wants to go crazy and throw chairs and tell Otto to punch those little shits' faces when they go near him. Instead we talked about tactics Otto could try to avoid getting hassled in the first place and to shut them down if they try. And we also talked about talking. We want to make sure Otto knows he can tell us anything and that we're his champions and will help him work through problems. He's going to try to handle this on his own, but he's also going to tell us right away if he has another bullying experience so that we can step in and take action. Their insistence on letting the kids work out EVERYTHING for themselves is one of my few complaints about Montessori. When it's a classroom that ranges in age from 5 to 8 and the older kids are picking on the little ones you can't expect a 6 year old to just figure it out. You guys have no idea how badly I want Otto to chase these boys into a dumpster and fly away on his wish dragon.

I am Wondering if it's the weekend yet? We have a no-plans weekend and those are my favorite. If the sun shines we'll head to a park for some outside time. But aside from an exercise class and grocery shopping it's all peaceful easy coming up this weekend and I can't wait.

That was this week & here are next week's theme's:
setting, using, watching, choosing, imagining 

yard kids

Last weekend, with Nana and Papa's help, we turned a sandbox into a garden for the kids. This weekend the kiddos went to work planting pansies and mums (I think) in their little garden box along with other yard activities that have all warmed my cold, dead Oregon wintered heart. Otto peed in the grass. THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT. Loretta got angry at dirt she threw in her own face. That's my girl. The grownups had a beer and mowed and I turned up a 5' x 4' patch of yard for future gardening. I'll be starting my seeds this week and so cleared out a shelf in the laundry room to get those guys going. Can't wait to see the little sprouts start coming up. Beets and tomatoes and all kinds of veggie goodness. Also? I am hard-core dreaming about a worm composter. But who isn't?

I know a guy who is five...

Sometimes you find yourself with so many words for how you're feeling and sometimes you don't. I am so proud of this little man. I'm a little numb with wonder that he's five. But I haven't found tears in ringing in Otto's sixth year, just peace. He's been a baby for a long time and he's ready to graduate to being a full fledged school-aged kid. A great little kid. I may not be ready to let go, but we'll find our way (haha). This little sweetheart is so smart and caring and fun and funny, he's wild, he's tenacious, and he's just totally and completely ready to take on all the things that 5 will bring: kindergarten, karate classes, reading, earning allowance, having chores, being more thoughtful in his actions (this is a gentle way of saying Less Whining, More Please and Thank Yous) learning guitar, tying his shoes (already mastered, what a champ!) and deciding if it's time for a haircut (which he is adamant it is NOT because he wants to look like Mick Jagger and because, in his words, "I want the girls to like me.")

I love you my little man. You gave me my greatest gift: motherhood. You taught me to find joy in the best and most trying of moments. You gave me a reason to better myself. You inspire me. You make me belly laugh. You are nothing but the best kind of potential and I won't let you down, I'll do everything I can to help you along, paving the way and helping you pave your own way, as you grow into an amazing adolescent, teenager, and adult. My little man. Ok, now I'm crying.

breakfast for dinner

One of our favorite meals lately is breakfast for dinner. Usually we keep it really simple but this Sunday we did a version of eggs benedict that has me thinking eggs benny will be the new dinner/breakfast norm.

I am a terrible egg cook (truth) BUT this messy kind of recipe hides that nicely. The kids aren't really into the heaped-and-savory version so instead of eggs benedict they had pumpkin butter, bananas, and a little blueberry syrup on their english muffins with eggs (cooked terribly), tomatoes, and morningstar sausage on the side. Tater tots are mandatory! And on the grown-ups' plates I like to pile everything high and then do hollandaise sauce as the finishing touch (with a little hot sauce to top it off).

The meal itself sometimes feels like the least of the experience around here. I snack my way through cooking and we listen to music and dance and the kids run in and out of the kitchen all the while. Loretta demands 1,000 snacks and gets into everything and gets pretty upset when asked to wait, even for a minute, so that means a tantrum here and there and throwing snacks at her - whatever the yeller wants! - so I can get back to dinner cooking. After dinner we all kind of sing and dance and get in Rob's way while he does dishes and cleans up. Loretta loves helping to clean up almost as much as she loves dragging things all over the place. When that quiets down it's bathtime for the kiddos and then bed. What a whirlwind.

The raw pumpkin seed butter and wasabi green thai chili sauce pictured here are c/o Frankie V's Kitchen. Thank you, FVK! The pumpkin seed butter is Otto's new favorite for pb&j (see that still works) and the hot sauce is amazing. I am hoarding it all for myself! Frankie V's Kitchen is a local business out of Dallas, TX they use fresh, high quality ingredients, much of it organic, local when they can, and 100% all natural, Texas Style.

currently... exciting ketchup stories

adorable grump child by Me, adorable arrow pillows c/o KungFooKids

Currently is a weekly link-up that I happily co-host with the fabulous and amazing ♥ Randalin ♥ of Harvesting Kale each week. We hope that you can participate by writing your own Currently post (using our themes or your own) and please join us by linking up. What have you been wishing, typing, moving, thinking, laughing this week? Over here, we have been...

Otto has been Wishing for some pumpkin pie. I made my first pumpkin pie a few weeks ago and both of the kiddos gobbled it up (personally I thought it was OK, if a little on the small side with a slightly burned upper crust). Last weekend I made blueberry pumpkin muffins and "mommed" up the recipe as follows: whole wheat flour, hidden chia seed, hidden flax, reduced sugar by 50%. Etta loves them and has been pooping like a dynamo all week. Otto is skeptical but will eat them while skunk-eyeing me suspiciously. He's been told that if he snacks on the muffins this week that I will make another pumpkin pie this weekend. And the bribe is working!  

The only thing new I have been Typing is the FB page for our Ladies Who Book Club which Katherine and I started this week. I can't believe we have 18 members already! I am so excited to book club with some of you. Our first book is Lean In which we start discussing Chapter 1 of on Monday. Anyone is invited to join in, we would love to have you.   

Etta has been Moving the contents of our pantry, organizing and disorganizing the lower shelves. Her favorite is a big box of organic ketchups I ordered from Amazon* (she likes to stack them in the middle of the kitchen, then put them all back in the box) repeat, repeat, repeat. She is also a fan of taking the giant tub of animal cookies and hauling it across the room, throwing it at the back of your legs while you are cooking, and demanding, "COOKIE!." She likes to say cookie the way Cookie Monster does, so at least it's like being attacked by a cute, if demanding and deep-voiced, elf.

I have been Thinking about little things we could do to cut back and save money here and there. Instead of my usual meal plan, for next week I am going to inventory everything we have in the cupboards and try to plan meals out of what we have around. Hopefully that will mean only having to shop for fruit, veggies, and things we are out of. It won't be gourmet week, but that's ok.

Laughing at myself for how much I love this Tesco commercial. I have watched it an embarrassing number of times. It may be the Love Actually of commercials (as in the most honest, sweet, and sincere commercial ever and I will judge you if you don't like it).

Grab a hanky; it's sappy like nobody's business.
     

That was this week. Here are next week's themes: 

missing, reading, drinking, eating, planning

* We have a little bet going about these ketchups. I ordered a dozen and was going to subscribe to an every-six-months delivery to save a bit. Rob thought that was crazy-fast to burn through a dozen ketchups. He eats ketchup, so do the kids, and I don't, but I do the shopping and I swear I buy ketchup every freaking week (kidding not kidding). Anyways, we are all very fascinated to see how long it takes our family to eat 12 bottles of ketchup. Aren't we exciting!

Otto at Four and Three Quarters

Otto is sneaking up on five. It seems to me that every time my kids get one day older I scream, "How did this happen?!" But then I look up and five is on the horizon. Five? I mean, how the eff did this happen?! Five magic years...

It's super important to Otto that you're crystal clear, he's four and three quarters.

He finally remembers that his birthday is January first, but can't always remember if he "had school today." Ha.

He's obsessed with growing his hair out, "like Mick Jagger." This is probably the first time I've ever had to eat my wants. Release control. Pick a battle, or however you want to say it. He looks mangy to me and I am just thankful that his straw straight hair is finally past the point where it's growing right into his eyes. But I also get a feeling that he craves a little more control of his destiny, lately. So if rock star hair is what he needs to feel like a badass, I guess that's an easy enough one to let him have. I asked him the other day, "When will you ever let us cut your hair again?"

"I will cut my hair the day before I die."

He plays Lego Batman on xbox with his dad. He plays turbo chess every night before bed. He loves Royals by Lorde and Squirrels in my Pants by Phineas and Ferb (a show that he isn't even allowed to watch, I think it's too sassy) and Satisfaction by the Stones. He asks to rock out in the car and when I peek back there he's playing air guitar and his cool guy hair is tossing all around as he jams out.

He makes me smile every single day. He also makes-a me crazy. He really can't get no satisfaction these days. He's always on the take. What else can he get out of any deal? And the moping around, omg haha. Have you seen Paul Rudd in Wet Hot American Summer?



It's like that. Ha.

He is my heart. He is my sunshine. He is so hilarious and so smart and so sweet hearted. I see him struggling with new emotions lately, like the yearning for fairness. Also with sadness, lately this has come up a few times when a buddy at school isn't cool to him. It breaks my heart. We're entering into harder years, here, with five. As a mom, it's scary business. I just want to protect him from everything that's out there. But I know that wouldn't really be doing him any favors. So instead, I will have the joy of watching him grow up a little more every day. Into an amazing guy. And I'll make it my business to help him learn to cope with all the unfairness and uncoolness that's out there, to be a great person with a moral compass and strong values. I can't wait to see who he becomes, because right now he is the coolest little guy in the world.

currently... it's fall y'all

Currently is a weekly link-up that I happily co-host with ♥ Randalin ♥ of Harvesting Kale. We hope that you can participate by writing your own Currently post (using our themes or your own) and please join us by linking up. What have you been learning, growing, buying, loving, wishing this week? Over here, we have been...

Learning how quickly your body can go from sleep-deprived to rested and right back to sleep-deprived. As of yesterday morning I thought my life might be over. Loretta! My love. She is a wild thing complete with nighttime wild rumpus. She had been up quite a bit the night before and I was a mess. Well, last night I fell asleep (full makeup, dinner breath, yo) at 7:30 doing Otto's bedtime and I slept straight through til 4:30, with the light still on from reading Pippi Longstocking, and BAM! I feel like a new woman! Hello cuppa joe and a couple of Peeps for breakfast! I'm here. I'm alive! I'm ALIIIIVE!

Otto is Growing into such a strapping young kid with a golden head of shag. He's tall and stout so he still has a baby-ness about him that I just love and want to hang onto because, guys, he is going to be 5 in a few months. Five. How did THAT happen? That is super duper old. That is doing things like reading "Candied Bacon" on a menu and blowing our minds. That is asking tough questions like, "Mom, how many days until I die?" (ps. I said, well that will be like 100 years times 365 days so something like 36,500). Yeah, ugh. And whoa. And wow. Anyways, he will be taller than me by the time he's 10, I guarantee it. And he just catches eyes left and right. He is a little old lady magnet. And that hair, people. I trimmed up the bottom inch because it was basically a swirly off-center rat tail (he inherited my multiple cowlicks including varying degrees of swirl, yay) but dudes, that is epic hair he's growing out. I wonder how long this Mick Jagger phase will last?

Buying not much. Well I did just buy both kids some new shoes. Etta is getting ready for a toddler size 6 and Otto is in a little kid 12. Giant dogs on these little chickens.

Loving warm blankets, good books, and piping hot drinks. I love a good makeout session with night coffee, especially when there's a chill in the air. Time to get some Bailey's in the house. Yay, fall.

Etta is Wishing she could dance all day and night. She has so many signature moves (chin to chest, tummy out, arms at sides, and march!), she has favorite songs (errbody get up!), and the music is just in her bones. We will find a baby dance class for her soon, like as soon as soccer season is over because I don't have it in me to take on anything else right now. But she will absolutely love it.
     

That was this week. Here are next week's themes: 

looking, making, wondering, playing, wearing 

i wish

I suppose if I got my wish, which has always been to be a stay at home mom, that then I would probably have a new wish of having more money, or getting out of the house to talk with adults, or some other thing. Humans are funny business, "grass is always greener" syndrome is a weird thing. Why not "so happy to be in this pasture" syndrome? Wouldn't that be nice.

When I worked (at home) 4 days a week I just wished I could get some face time with coworkers. I felt like I was going crazy. So I gave up having a third day with my family each week in order to gain back some not-working-in-a-room-in-my-house sanity. And now... I don't know. Now I just find myself calculating how much of Etta's awake time is spent with me each week versus her (amazing, lovely, just most wonderful so don't get me wrong because I love this lady) babysitter.

I was chit chatting with an exceptionally cool stay at home mama friend just yesterday about the moms we read online. The ones I read as if their lives were fantasy novels, the way my grandma used to read books featuring Fabio on the cover (I always smile remembering my grandma, Etta's namesake), anyways, the ones I dream of are stay at home moms. Some of them are more real than others. Some make it look like a dream and make me wish I took more pictures and staged prettier moments. Others tell it like it is and make me laugh with their tales of life with crazy, unpredictable, delightful, challenging kids. But the one thread that runs through almost all of the moms I read is that they all have stories of weekdays at the park and everydays just momming around.

Life is such a balance. I'm not sorry I need to be a working mom. There is a real part of me that enjoys having a successful career and takes pride in all of the achievements I've made in that world. There is a real part of me that knows we are doing this right now so that Rob can have a really great career starting in just a few years and then maybe I will take a year or two myself, to follow my dream, and mom around with Etta before she is full time in school, volunteer at Otto's elementary, and home school both of them for just a little while.

For now, I think having this ache in my heart to have more time with them just makes me appreciate the time we do have. The last few weeks they have been on a roll as far as making me crazy goes. Ha. You know, they are amazing, fierce-hearted, hilarious kids with big personalities and lots of demands and lots of chaos that falls in their wake and for whatever reason chaos gives me anxiety right down in my bones. Etta especially just gets right to my core with her zero-to-exasperated yells. I will do anything to keep her from chewing me out. She makes me feel like a cowboy dancing while another cowboy shoots at his feet, often. Hahaha, I love that she is a Sheera. I really do. Still, the raw nerves and general anxiety I have built up by their bedtime is sometimes so overwhelming I just laugh. How can I feel this crazy? But I think the crazy feeling is really a wish to have more of a handle on the time we have together. Trying to cram all of your most important moments into a few hours a day where you find yourself cleaning melon smashed into the floor and picking up four thousands scraps of torn paper (because tearing and distributing paper scraps about the house is the thing these days) and making a nutritious meal and then sitting down to it only to be asked for a cup of water that you'd just offered and been told "no I'm not really thirsty right now" moments before (for real, kid?) and returning to the table moments later to find Etta's food deposited on the floor and oh also could I please bring back some ketchup and also remembering to not act exasperated because they're just kids being kids and making sure to photograph the cute moments and remembering to appreciate it all as it's happening because this time will go too fast... it becomes impossible feeling.

My favorite hour from yesterday was laying on my bed with Etta just before putting her down in her crib for the night. I was reading her a random chapter from Flat Stanley and we were laying on our backs, side by side, and she was looking up at the pages and just listening and chilling out. After several minutes I carried her to her room, and before laying her down I just held her in my arms and we sang the ABCs about ten times in a row and she kind of hummed along. Bedtime and midnight wake ups are about the only times she will snuggle and I live for those times. Then I went back to my room where Otto was done with his bedtime with Daddy routine and waiting for his turn at bedtime with Mommy... I read to Otto from a different Flat Stanley book and we talked about his day a little bit and then I sung him a little Somewhere Over the Rainbow (realizing mid first verse that I don't know the words anymore). He's really into nighttime lullabies lately and wants me to learn Royals by Lorde which yikes, ha, we heard it on the radio and I guess now I'm taking requests. Then I deposited him in his bed which kind of woke Etta up so we did another couple rounds of ABCs, this time with Otto joining in... and it was just a long, drawn out bedtime and it was lovely.

I suppose the point of all this is putting all the wishes in perspective. Lately I have been wishing for invisalign braces and rock hard abs and a nice hair dye job and a shopping spree. I've been wishing I would swallow my fear and write a novel. I've been wishing for a weekend getaway or even just a less complainy/overwhelmed outlook on life. But the only real wish that I would make if I actually got a wish would be the ability to settle into this little life of mine and spend more time with my kids in a way that felt safe and sensible for my family. We'll get there. Three years will go by fast. They'll still  be little. And in the mean time I will appreciate the shit out of every crazy-making moment I get with those two little magic people that I am lucky enough to call my kiddos.

a day at home

We had the best kind of day at home yesterday. Rob and Otto are a pretty dynamic duo these days, playing xbox Lego Batman whenever Etta naps. There was this magic moment where I got to stand at my kitchen sink window and drink a whole cup of coffee while Etta napped and Rob and Ot played. Ms. Etta's getting so big, sometimes she still takes two naps but sometimes only one. She's so beautiful to me, and such a mysterious creature. A real piss pot. But also a doll. Her strawberry blonde hair seems to be sticking around and her eyes are the prettiest shade of green-blue. Otto is hooked on learning: a little multiplication on the front walk, sounding out words and writing graphic novels when he's supposed to be napping, growing so fast. I am boring but it's like the weekends being boring is super important to me! My most fascinating thing right now is that I'm planning to turn my fabric basket into a dress-up basket for the kids and to sew my way through the collection of fabrics that are currently in it. Kid pants, blankets, and dressup "scraps" are the goals. And maybe some potholders, ours are all tattered.

Etta writes on everything with crayon, including the inside of her mouth. She makes this "Oh!" surprised face when she does something she knows she shouldn't and looks at you with this shocked look like, "can you believe this is happening?" then smiles and heads for the hills.

Otto loves playing super powers and magic powers. Whenever he casts a spell he says, "Magic, Magic..." and then casts it. I love it.

sometimes there is only time for living

Sometimes I feel like the most productive human on the planet. Baking interesting things with secrets flaxes and chias hidden inside and planning thoughtful activities and keeping my children clean(ish) and my hair brushed(ish) and taking neighborhood walks and all the while doing some dishes and putting the laundry away and taking pictures to boot. Sometimes I feel on top of it all. Kinda. Sometimes.

Other times, like lately, I feel like there is just time for almost all of it. A little baking, a board game, a bath, a walk, dishes, laundry... I try to keep my phone out of reach when I'm with the kids but then I find myself running for it to take pictures pretty regularly and that alerts the kids that Mom's about to take a picture so they of course stop doing whatever cute thing they might have been doing. So documenting the moments gets patchy, which feels patchy in this nonstop documentation world of ours.

Moments like this, though. So perfect. Just all together and laughing. Smelling feet and snuggling and sharing something special. You can't plan for that. It just happens. Just living. These moments are the reason for the life we're building and all the other "busy" stuff falls away. Even on the days that seem like they won't end. Toddler teething days. Big kid running on jet fuel days. Mom about to lose her marbles days. These moments make it all totally and completely worth it.